Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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