I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
