Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
