so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
