wat bout pragnant strippers??
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
