Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
