census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize