I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I puked a lego.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
