I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
