then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
