im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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