We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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