Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
