You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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