today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
