The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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