just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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