Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
