you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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