Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
