Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That accounts for only three of the penises
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
