This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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