Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
