checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
