I cannot find my penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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