You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Still dying that you shit outside
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
