So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sext me about skeletons
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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