we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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