oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
