you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did you just see the Batmobile???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
