i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
