Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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