You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
