fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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