Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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