We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
