Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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