I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
