Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
