Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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