Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
