So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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