i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
