i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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