when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
