Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize