I can text with my tongue
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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