lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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