No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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