he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Boobs are out for the taking
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
