So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
