It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
