I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
