franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
