I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
