While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
organizing the empties. That sober.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
