I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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