The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
