The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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