3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
