you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
