you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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