I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
