Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
