I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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