Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
