she was so not down for the gang bang
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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