i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
