How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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