alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
