Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
