I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
